Coming Out To My Wife

 So I figured it might be worth putting this out there, for those who are interested. Here goes...

I came out to my wife about two months ago. It was terrifying, awkward, liberating, confusing, heartwarming...it was many things. I've never been particularly good at articulating my feelings verbally, especially not in starting a conversation on something this serious, so I chose to write my thoughts out in a brief note, which I gave her to read with me present. The text of that letter was as follows:

I am writing this rather than speaking it because this is an extremely embarrassing topic and I am feeling very vulnerable. But, I love you and need you to hear it. I am a cross-dresser. I've been hiding this side of myself out of shame and confusion, but I can't in fairness continue to hide it from you. I have never told anyone this before. Yes, I have been secretly wearing some of your clothes (hence the shame/embarrassment). Before you ask...I've gone ahead and anticipated the big questions here:

Why?

That is a complicated answer that has changed over time. It started in my teens/early 20s as primarily a fetish/sexual arousal thing. Over time it has evolved into more of an artistic expression (though it is still arousing sometimes). I express myself in the female form primarily by posting photos (with my face altered/hidden) on the internet. I post pictures online for the simple reason of feedback/acceptance of what I see as an extension of my being, and to see how good I am at creating a convincing female appearance. I realize this probably makes you incredibly uncomfortable, and will not force you to see it. If you want, I will show you, but as fair warning some of it might be rather risque. If you don't want to see or don't want me to continue posting, that's ok.

Are you transgender?

Short answer...no. I don't think I am. I have no desire to become permanently a woman. I enjoy having and using a penis for all the sexy things. I simply want to explore/express a more feminine side of my personality sometimes, and enjoy the artistic challenge of transforming myself into a woman through clothing/photo manipulation.

Are you gay/bisexual?

I am NOT attracted to men. I do enjoy a cross-dresser who appears passably female, but in my mind that person is a woman in that instance. However, I am only interested in YOU. I don't want to experiment with others, I don't want to leave you. I LOVE YOU and ONLY YOU.

I realize this is a bombshell. I hope you will accept this part of me, but I understand that might take time, or might not happen at all. If you never want to talk about this again, I understand. If you need time, I understand. At the end of the day, I LOVE YOU, and want to be with you. But I don't want this secret to be hidden from you anymore.

 This letter served as the beginning of an ongoing conversation, which took place over the next few hours/days/weeks, and is still on going. Initially, I was met with curiosity, a little confusion, some fear, but also an overwhelming sense of love. 

Since then, we've had a few rough days (where the "fear" of transitioning or changed sexual preferences sets in), a few great days, a many many good days. I've dressed fully in front of her, I've shopped for clothes with her, and we have even made plans for a joint photo session. We have had discussions about how we want to integrate Amelia into our lives as a couple, and yes that even includes in the bedroom, and how we want to approach the eventual reality of taking a trip outside of our home. We are definitely still a work in progress, and we have much to learn, but we are heading in the right direction, and each time we explore this aspect of our lives together, we get just a little bit closer, our love just a little bit deeper, and the future looks just a little bit brighter.