A need to know basis?

    Hello again readers, and welcome back for more ramblings! Today I'm sitting here, sipping my morning coffee as you do on a Sunday morning, and realizing I haven't put anything up on this blog in over a month! So, I thought I would change that with a quick word on coming out. I've already touched on my own personal story with regards to coming out to my wife, so if you're interested in my experiences there, go check it out here! 

    Now then, onward we go! For most of us, at least as the limited experience I've gained so far has shown, the act of discovering, exploring, and being our female selves is a deeply personal one. It's often accompanied by thoughts of fear, confusion, shame...especially early in life as we just begin to understand how we fit, or don't fit, into what society tells us are the "proper" gender roles. We end up hiding this side of ourselves, sneaking quick dress-up sessions when no one is home, or late at night in the darkness. The more time goes on, the more the secret grows, the harder it becomes to share. 

 

    But should we have to? That's a tough question to answer, and the answer will likely change for each person. It also may change for each person depending on who they want, or don't want, to tell. Further complicating things can be issues like jobs, children, social or financial obligations, health...the list goes on. Especially as adults, our lives quickly become intertwined with those around us, and every action we take has consequences in the wider world. Like anything, there are pros and cons to each decision, which should be weighed very carefully. There are risks to telling someone, just as there are risks to keeping the secret. There can also be huge benefits to telling someone...but again, it depends on who that person is, how they react, and what either of you gain from them knowing. 

    Let's take a quick look at my own circle for a moment, and I'll go over my reason why I have, or have not, revealed Amelia to people:

• My wife - Very liberal, highly educated, with a background in the arts and psychology. While the consequences of her taking this information badly would have been huge (divorce being the worst case), the overall risk in my mind was low. And to keep this secret from her was, in my mind, a violation of the trust she placed in me when we got married in the first place. Obviously, the reveal went very well, with the expected bumps and confusion, but we're stronger and happier for it.

• Mom - Conservative, but with a bit of a hippie mentality and a child of the 60-70s. A wonderful mother! But, at present, she does not know, and I have no plans to tell her. While I believe she would be overall accepting, I don't think she would understand, and neither of us stands to gain much from her knowing. We do not live close, due to my work, and have very limited in-person interaction, so the chances of an accidental discovery are slim.
  

• Dad - Conservative, well educated and a bit of a perfectionist, and a long time musician, though he never hit it big, he still plays in local shows around town. Typical of men from his generation, he's not much for emotional expression, and puts off a vibe of just "not getting it" when it comes to LGBTQ community. He doesn't hate, I think he just doesn't care to know. Again, in my mind, neither of us gains anything from him knowing, and we don't live close enough for there to be a real risk of accidental discovery.

• Brother - Somewhere in the middle between conservative and liberal. Some health issues, and has had some bad luck in terms of career goals. Lives with his wife on the opposite side of the country. Would probably be the most accepting of family members honestly. Does not know, but this is more due to physical distance. Chances of discovery are low, as are the risks of telling him, but there's not much to gain currently.

• Sister - Very conservative, very traditional/religious. Does not support LGBTQ views, even though I suspect her son is gay. Chances of rejection/hostility are high from her, and our relationship has never been great (whole lot of history there, she's a half-sister who was not the greatest of people in her teens/early 20s, though she's turned her life around now). 

• Friends - I don't have any particularly close friends outside of work currently, due to the nature of my job (I am in the military if you did not know) we move frequently, and most of my social circle tends to be the people I work with. Given the military's very narrow views on gender, any reveal within the organization could lead to way more trouble than it's worth. 

    So there you have it. So far, I've only told my wife (and of course however many people follow my social profiles). Your reasons and circumstances might or might not align with my own, but I hope that by reading through my thoughts today you've gained something. Not everyone needs to tell everyone, or even anyone. It's all about what you want and how it affects yourself and others. If you need a sounding board to help work through the decision of who to tell, reach out to someone in the Instagram or Reddit communities who's been there, or maybe find yourself a therapist. There is nothing wrong with getting outside help, and therapy is a perfectly valid option! I wish you the best of luck!

Coming Out To My Wife

 So I figured it might be worth putting this out there, for those who are interested. Here goes...

I came out to my wife about two months ago. It was terrifying, awkward, liberating, confusing, heartwarming...it was many things. I've never been particularly good at articulating my feelings verbally, especially not in starting a conversation on something this serious, so I chose to write my thoughts out in a brief note, which I gave her to read with me present. The text of that letter was as follows:

I am writing this rather than speaking it because this is an extremely embarrassing topic and I am feeling very vulnerable. But, I love you and need you to hear it. I am a cross-dresser. I've been hiding this side of myself out of shame and confusion, but I can't in fairness continue to hide it from you. I have never told anyone this before. Yes, I have been secretly wearing some of your clothes (hence the shame/embarrassment). Before you ask...I've gone ahead and anticipated the big questions here:

Why?

That is a complicated answer that has changed over time. It started in my teens/early 20s as primarily a fetish/sexual arousal thing. Over time it has evolved into more of an artistic expression (though it is still arousing sometimes). I express myself in the female form primarily by posting photos (with my face altered/hidden) on the internet. I post pictures online for the simple reason of feedback/acceptance of what I see as an extension of my being, and to see how good I am at creating a convincing female appearance. I realize this probably makes you incredibly uncomfortable, and will not force you to see it. If you want, I will show you, but as fair warning some of it might be rather risque. If you don't want to see or don't want me to continue posting, that's ok.

Are you transgender?

Short answer...no. I don't think I am. I have no desire to become permanently a woman. I enjoy having and using a penis for all the sexy things. I simply want to explore/express a more feminine side of my personality sometimes, and enjoy the artistic challenge of transforming myself into a woman through clothing/photo manipulation.

Are you gay/bisexual?

I am NOT attracted to men. I do enjoy a cross-dresser who appears passably female, but in my mind that person is a woman in that instance. However, I am only interested in YOU. I don't want to experiment with others, I don't want to leave you. I LOVE YOU and ONLY YOU.

I realize this is a bombshell. I hope you will accept this part of me, but I understand that might take time, or might not happen at all. If you never want to talk about this again, I understand. If you need time, I understand. At the end of the day, I LOVE YOU, and want to be with you. But I don't want this secret to be hidden from you anymore.

 This letter served as the beginning of an ongoing conversation, which took place over the next few hours/days/weeks, and is still on going. Initially, I was met with curiosity, a little confusion, some fear, but also an overwhelming sense of love. 

Since then, we've had a few rough days (where the "fear" of transitioning or changed sexual preferences sets in), a few great days, a many many good days. I've dressed fully in front of her, I've shopped for clothes with her, and we have even made plans for a joint photo session. We have had discussions about how we want to integrate Amelia into our lives as a couple, and yes that even includes in the bedroom, and how we want to approach the eventual reality of taking a trip outside of our home. We are definitely still a work in progress, and we have much to learn, but we are heading in the right direction, and each time we explore this aspect of our lives together, we get just a little bit closer, our love just a little bit deeper, and the future looks just a little bit brighter.

Hello!

 Hello world! I'm not entirely sure yet what I will do with this blog to be honest, but I figured the best place to start would be a short introduction.

So, without further ado...I'm Amelia Rose. I am, as of this writing, 35 years old. I'm a crossdresser, in that I am a man, who enjoys wearing female clothing. I do this primarily as a form of expression and to get in touch with my feminine side. I consider myself to be straight, and am married to a wonderful woman.

My wife is very open and supportive of this side of me, although we have only recently begun to explore this together. She is the only person in my life who knows about this part of me, and I cannot say for certain if I will ever reveal this to anyone else. 

So far, my activity has been online only, in that I share photos via social media. I do plan to, at some point in the future, venture out into the world in female form, as I feel intrigued by the thought of experiencing every day life as a woman, and the challenge of transforming myself into a believable female appearance without the aid of camera filters and perfect lighting. 

Outside of crossdressing, I have a variety of "normal" interests such as video games, movies, books, etc. I have a good job with great benefits, a loving wife, and an adorable dog. 

So that's me, in a nutshell. We'll see what sort of thoughts I chose to share here in the future...I am of course open to suggestions and always happy to hear thoughts on my style/outfits/makeup. You can find me in several places online, the links are over to the right >>>>